I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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