shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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