Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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