Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
