I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
