Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
