i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
