dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
