Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
