I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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