her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
