It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
