I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
