Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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