Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
