my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
