cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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