I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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