i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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