oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
