I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
