Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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