I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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