Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
