I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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