this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
