is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
