Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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