those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
