i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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