Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
