im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
