well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
