did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
