god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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