whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
