He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize