i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
