Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
