How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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