I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
