She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
