im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
