But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
