whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
