it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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