wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
