Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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