You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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