I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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