My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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