Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My pussy is not your playground.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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