My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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