Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
