dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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