If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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