remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
