did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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