I cannot find my penis.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
