why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
