duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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