I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
