he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
