The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
