There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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