I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
