her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
